Where I am and where I’m going.

Interestingly enough I typically have a pretty good idea of where I am.  However, where I might be at any future moment is still a grand question.  Perhaps I’m not meant to know and it’s only but a blind gift that I’m not sure of yet.  I’ve currently been flying out of Cherry Point for just about 8 years now.  I’ve had orders in my hand three times that I can remember.  In short, it’s a complete crap shoot as to where I might be.  On the table today: Japan, Maryland, and remaining at Cherry Point.  These change daily.  There’s something obvious to say about a steady pay check, however, there’s also something increasingly important to say about foundation and spatial security.  I still feel I’m lucky to be where I am and rather fortunate to have the internal stability of a great family and strong wife (that can, at any moment, pretty much tell me where everything I own is located).   

I feel it’s important to express that this particular monetary life saturating facet of my life is not all encompassing. It does not define all of me or all of those around me.  Even though my job is as close to a cult and way of life as pretty much anything can be.  It defines me but not entirely I presume.   I have dreams and goals.  I have more goals than I know what to do with.  I’m also not sure where these goals have derived from either.   I plan on writing an entire post on goals later. 

As for physically; I believe I’m in the best shape of my life.   Since I started CrossFit in 2009 I’ve always strived to become better and stronger.  I competed early in my new “athletic” venture and failed miserably.  However, all it did was drive me towards trying to find more success and become better.   About 9 months ago I started following Rudy Nielsen’s Outlaw Way programming.  I’m sure many of my family and friends know this as I’ve tried helplessly and hopelessly to explain it.  Read this: HERE.  I didn’t think any other athletic venture could change my life as much as CrossFit originally did.  Rudy did.  This program builds competitive athletes of the highest degree.  Aside from the obvious performance gains, I believe the most personally noticeable change has been mentally.  I correlate this directly to two things. 

1.) The programming is mentally demolishing.   Its foundation is defined by a magnificent reverence towards the Olympic lifts.  Both of which require every ounce of mental fortitude to complete.  This is normal with fully body explosive ballistic movements.

2.) At about the same time I started following this programming I installed a squat rack and bumper plate set in my garage.  I’ve completed about 95% of my sessions alone.  Try it.  It’s absolutely horrible.  It requires extensive mind manipulation to convince oneself to finish just about anything.  I started CrossFit in a group setting and was driven by competitiveness.  Furnishing the mental toughness day in and out through numerous Outlaw WODs alone in my garage has given me huge amounts of mental strength.   When I approach that dark area of existence during some evil contraption of a WOD Rudy often creates I find a beautiful calmness and solitude.  It’s not loud—even though the music is blaring in my ears, it’s not quiet—because my lungs are screaming, it’s not hot—because it’s a million degrees in my garage, and it’s certainly not painful—because my body is hung over in agony.  It’s absolutely nothing.  Nothing at all.  One could easily relate this to some type of masochistic high. That’s fine.  It’s my place.  Once you’ve been there, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.  All you know how to do is count and move. 

Where this is going.  I want more.  I’m stronger than I’ve ever been—I’m not nearly strong enough.   Simply enough: I’m nowhere close to my physical limit and ability.  I want to find that limit. 

In conclusion, that explains exactly where this blog fits into my training and my life.  I’ll touch on goals later.  However, my expression, flirtatious venture towards limits, and drive to always explore such boundaries is where this blog will be transparent.  This will serve to be a clear reflection of my progress and fails. 


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